puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
