Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
