hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
