i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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