she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
