They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
