I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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