Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
