I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
tell me about the eggs
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
