Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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