I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
