highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
