I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
