Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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