WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
if only i could text you this smell
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
