she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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