I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
