apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
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I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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