I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
