i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
