How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
