I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
