Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
