I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
