So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
