Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
