Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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