Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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