She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
