How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
