Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
