I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize