She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
