you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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