I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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