So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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