I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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