I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
