ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
