I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
