Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
