I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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