We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
