Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
