I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize