I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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