I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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