I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
