I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
