Plan B is the new Plan A
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
