Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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