so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
