He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
