I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
