I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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