Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have fence marks all over my body
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