so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
