youre lurking in front of me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
