the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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