I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize