Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
