Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
