A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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