how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
