I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
