you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's the barista slut.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
