So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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