i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
