I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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