Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
