Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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