You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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