Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
