my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
