So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
